Dealing with Grief During the Festive Seasons: Finding Light in the Darkness

Joy, celebration, and togetherness are often synonymous with the festive season. Grief, however, can feel like an overwhelming wave of emotions - loneliness, sadness, and longing for the presence of loved ones gone. During such a time, grieving can be a very personal and challenging experience.

When we experience a loss, whether it was recent or a long time ago, the holidays can increase our sadness. As a result of this experience, you may experience an "anniversary reaction," a strong emotional or physical reaction associated with important dates, such as a loved one's death anniversary or a holiday like Christmas.

In this post, we'll discuss ways to navigate grief during the holidays, offering practical tips, emotional insights, and compassionate reminders that it's okay to feel whatever you feel.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

Grief is a multifaceted emotion that does not have a linear path. It can appear as sadness, anger, guilt, or even moments of happiness that seem out of place. As you reminisce about past holidays with your loved one during the holidays, these emotions can intensify.

What You Can Do: Don't be afraid to feel your emotions. When you're sad, cry. Whenever you feel angry, find a healthy outlet for it. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward processing them. Keeping a journal can also be helpful, as it can provide clarity and relief.

2. Set Boundaries

When you're grieving, this time of year can be overwhelming or even painful due to social obligations, family gatherings, and traditions. As such, setting boundaries that respect your emotional needs is important.

What You Can Do: Talk to your family and friends about your comfort level. If attending a large family dinner seems too daunting, suggest a smaller gathering or opt-out. Remember, saying “no” is okay. It's not selfish to put your well-being first.

3. Lean on Your Support System

It can feel lonely when you are grieving. But, you don't have to face it alone. When you're surrounded by people who care about you and understand your feelings, you can feel extremely comfortable.

What You Can Do: Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Feel free to express yourself, reminisce about your loved one, or simply spend time with others who uplift you. Also, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in loss if your grief feels too overwhelming.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

It's easy to feel guilty or inadequate when you're struggling during the holidays. When you practice self-compassion, though, you give yourself the grace to grieve at your own pace and in your own way.

How to Practice Self-Compassion:

• Stop listening to your inner critic. Don't be self-critical. Instead, be kinder to yourself. Rather than telling yourself, "I should be happier," tell yourself, "It's okay to feel sad."

• Take breaks. Experiencing grief can be exhausting. Whether you meditate, walk in the quiet, or simply rest, take some time for yourself.

• Celebrate small wins. It's a victory if you're able to smile at a family gathering or make it through the entire day without breaking down.

5. Honor Your Loved One

Finding ways to celebrate your loved one's life during the holidays is one way to cope with grief. For example, preserving old traditions may help honor and celebrate individuals who have passed away. By doing this, you can keep their memory alive.

Ideas to Honor Their Memory:

• You can share stories and photos of your loved one with your family and friends.

• Cook their favorite holiday meal or dessert.

• Create a playlist of their favorite holiday music.

• Gather items that remind you of them and create a memory box.

When you reflect on happy memories, these acts honor their legacy and can also bring you joy.

6. Create New Traditions

Alternatively, individuals who are grieving might benefit from creating new traditions. Remember that a new memory does not erase an old one. Additionally, your loved one will want you to enjoy the holidays.

Examples of New Traditions:

• During a holiday meal, light a candle in memory of your loved one.

• You can write them a letter and read it aloud or privately.

• Making a donation in their name to a charity.

• Helping others in need by volunteering your time.

7. Focus on Gratitude

There is a place for both grief and gratitude. While mourning the loss of a loved one is natural, reflecting on the moments you shared and the love you shared can bring comfort. 

What You Can Do: Every day, write down one thing you're thankful for, including memories of your loved one, in a gratitude journal. Once you've expressed your gratitude to others, you can express your appreciation for their presence and support.

8. Avoid Overindulgence

During the holidays, there is often an opportunity to indulge in food, alcohol, or other distractions. In moderation, you can enjoy these. However, overindulging can sometimes make grief harder to cope with.

What You Can Do: You should be mindful of your consumption. Consider using alternatives such as herbal teas, healthy snacks, or activities that bring you joy, such as taking a bath or watching a favorite holiday movie.

9. Embrace Moments of Joy

When grieving, it's common to feel guilty about experiencing happiness, especially during the holidays. Even so, finding moments of joy doesn't mean that you've forgotten your loved one. It's a testament to their impact on your life.

How to Embrace Joy:

• When something funny happens, allow yourself to laugh.

• Take part in activities that bring you happiness, even for a short time.

• Remember that joy and sorrow can coexist and that just because you're happy doesn't mean you aren't grieving.

10. Be Patient With Yourself

There is no timeline for grieving. Everyone's journey unfolds differently, and the holidays can be a particularly challenging time. In other words, don't expect to "get over it." But rather learn to live with the loss while you heal.

Final Thoughts

During the holiday season, grieving can be a deeply personal, as well as painful, experience. You can, however, navigate this time with grace and resilience by acknowledging your feelings, relying on your support system, and finding meaningful ways to honor your loved one. 

Most importantly, it's okay to grieve and celebrate at the same time. And, as you continue your journey, you will see brighter days ahead.