Missing Someone This Season? A Mental Health Guide for Difficult Decembers

December has a way of magnifying our feelings. Many people find comfort, connection, and ritual in the season. Some, however, feel the absence of a person, a relationship, or a sense of stability that they once felt sure of. There are many people who secretly dread the holiday season because it exposes emotional wounds, intensifies loneliness, or stirs up old griefs.

You're not alone if you're missing someone this season -- whether because you've been lost, separated, distanced, conflicted, or changed. And you're not “doing the holidays wrong.” You're being human.

Using this guide, you can navigate the emotional complexity of December with compassion, grounding, and a healthier coping mechanism.

Name the Type of Missing You’re Experiencing

When managing difficult emotions, labeling them is a key therapeutic step. There are many ways to say "I miss them," and each has its own emotional texture:

• Grief — mourning someone who has passed away

• Estrangement — longing for someone who is still alive but emotionally distant

• Breakups or divorce — longing for someone while also experiencing pain

• Geographic distance — missing someone who has moved far away

• Nostalgia — yearning for a past version of life or yourself

• Anticipatory grief — grieving for someone whose health is declining

By identifying your feelings, you give your brain a structure. In addition to lowering emotional overwhelm, it allows for coping strategies tailored to the situation, rather than battling it head-on.

Try completing this statement: “This December, I miss ______ because ______.”

An act as simple as that can reduce emotional tension.

Allow Grief and Joy to Coexist (They’re Not Enemies)

We often hear clients say, “If I enjoy the holidays without them, I am dishonoring them,” or “If I am still sad, I must not be healing.”

Both are untrue.

Emotions are not one-track experiences for humans. You can feel both grief and joy. Sadness and gratitude. Longing for and hoping.

When you miss someone, you don't have to lose sight of what's happening right now. In other words, enjoying the season doesn’t erase the importance of the person you're missing.

In therapy, we call this dual awareness -- and it's one of the most effective ways to move through December.

Ask yourself: “Can I allow space for both my sadness and comfort?"

Even a "yes, but only a little" will do.

Create a Ritual That Honors the Person or Loss

A ritual can be a powerful psychological tool. When emotions feel too big, they provide structure. You can also use them to process grief, maintain connection, and create meaning in your life.

You may want to consider creating a ritual that feels authentic to you:

• Lighting a candle each evening

• Cooking their favorite dish

• Donating in their honor

• Listening to a song they loved

• Writing them a letter

• Hanging a symbolic ornament

• Spending a moment in quiet reflection

Rituals don’t erase grief. However, they do give it a place to go.

And you don’t have to make the ritual “positive.” Many rituals are somber, reflective, or bittersweet -- and that's totally fine.

Ground Yourself When Emotions Spike

It's easy to be overstimulated during the holidays with loud gatherings, crowded stores, financial strains, and increased expectations. If you add emotional pain to that, your nervous system can quickly become overworked.

In order to bring yourself back into the present moment, therapeutic grounding techniques may be helpful:

Physical grounding:

• Hold something with texture (ice cube, warm mug, soft blanket)

• Put your feet firmly on the floor and notice the pressure

• Take slow, intentional breaths with longer exhales

Sensory grounding:

• Name 5 things you can see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste

Cognitive grounding:

• Remind yourself: “This feeling is a wave. It will pass.”

• Use affirmations like: “I can feel this without being consumed by it.”

The pain doesn't go away when you ground yourself. But it makes it manageable.

Reduce Holiday Overload (You’re Allowed to Do Less)

Even when they're emotionally drained, people keep traditions or attend events.

As such, here’s your permission slip: You can opt out this year.

Here are some gentle ways you could scale back:

• Attend only the parts of the gatherings that feel doable

• Limit time around triggering conversations or people

• Replace certain traditions with quiet alternatives

• Don't worry about holiday obligations for a day or two

December doesn’t have to be a performance. You don’t have to “power through.” By reducing overwhelm, you allow yourself to heal emotionally.

Build Connection Even If You Don’t Feel Social

It's common to withdraw when you miss someone. While isolation may seem easier at first, prolonged disconnection intensifies loneliness and sadness.

Socializing doesn't have to be big or cheerful. A small, low-pressure interaction can be just as regulating:

• Text one safe person each day

• Schedule short coffee meetups instead of long events

• Join an online support group

• Have “parallel presence” time with someone (e.g., watching a show together silently)

• If you're struggling, tell a friend you just need company, not a solution

A healthy connection doesn't mean being "on." It means not feeling alone emotionally.

Challenge the “Holiday Story” Your Mind Is Telling

Whenever we're hurting, our minds often default to unhelpful narratives:

• “Everyone else is happy.”

• “I’m falling behind.”

• “This will always feel painful."

• “I should be over this by now.”

Psychiatrists refer to these as cognitive distortions, which are false thoughts that feel true but are not grounded in reality.

Consider rephrasing them as follows:

• “Many people struggle during the holidays, even if I don’t see it.”

• “Healing isn’t linear. This moment doesn’t define me.”

• “Missing someone is a sign of love, not weakness.”

Pain doesn't have to be replaced with positivity. You just need to soften the extremes.

Consider Professional Support

When December feels overwhelming, reaching out for therapy can make a world of difference. The benefits of therapy include:

• For grieving or lonely people, a safe place to process their feelings

• Regulating emotions through tools

• Unpacking complicated family dynamics

• Providing support for reestablishing a sense of meaning and connection

Getting help doesn't mean you're failing. It's a sign that you're human -- and that you're preventing emotional pain from deepening even further.

Final Thought: Let This December Be Gentle

If you're missing someone this season, remember this: your grief, loneliness, or longing is not a weakness. Despite how painful it feels right now, it's evidence of connection, something you were fortunate to have.

You don’t have to “fix” your feelings. Your only responsibility is to meet them with compassion.

Rather than asking, "How can I get through this?" ask, "How can I make this just a little bit easier?" Healing often begins with small, yet profound shifts.